Updates

There is a meme (and tweets/sayings) going around that goes, “I am tired of being a part of a major historical event,” and it couldn’t be more true. It’s heartbreaking to witness everything that is going on in the world. What is even more heartbreaking is knowing someone who has been affected by this horrible virus.

Let me start with this: I had a completely different week planned. For the blog, for myself, for everything. Today, we were informed that a family friend who has been in the hospital, on a ventilator, for 34 days will most likely pass today. Unless God performs a miracle, he will be leaving us here on Earth to join God in heaven. I can’t even believe that I’m writing this. The world is hurting. Families are losing loved ones and can’t be with them.

My heart hurts just thinking about it.

Additional to the virus, and the family friend who is sick (and now dying), they found a cancerous tumor in my cousin’s kidney. She is, thankfully, OK and recovering after having the kidney surgically removed. But knowing she had to do that alone has killed me. It’s killed all of us. This virus has ruined people’s lives, not just by infecting or taking their loved ones too soon, but also by forcing people to be laid off or furloughed. People are struggling to provide for their families.

On top of what I just mentioned, this week has been really hard for me. Emotionally and mentally. Work has been really crazy, which isn’t a bad thing considering people are losing their jobs, but it’s also not a good thing because my stress and anxiety is heightened at a time that it’s already high due to other, personal reasons. Next week is “Cinco de Mayo“. Although that typically insinuates a day of drinking for people, for me it has a completely, unrelated, and more painfully emotional meaning behind it. May 5th is also “International Bereaved Mother’s Day.”

I’m not sure if I’ve talked about it, or shared my story yet, but I am a bereaved mother. Six and a half years ago, I gave birth to my son who was stillborn. I have my days. Usually from Halloween through New Years, I experience insane mood swings where I am up or down, left and right, etc. When Easter hits, that switch flips again, and I anticipate the two Mother’s Day that I get to “celebrate” (I say that loosely) so my mood swings are back at full force.

I don’t mention this for pity, and I don’t even want to take away from the current situation that the world is experiencing. This sneak peak to my story is mentioned because, on top of what the world is experiencing, what my friends, family, and everyone is going through is mounted on additional personal situations. It’s so hard to wrap my mind about this. Around the loss of people from the virus, the possible loss of a dear family friend, and around the fact my cousin had cancer.

I truly pray that things can go back to “normal,” whatever that may look like after this ends.